Don’t feel sorry for me.

My faith in humanity waivers on a rolling basis but I don’t think you humans mean any harm when asking questions like “why are you single.” That also goes for when you tell me I’ll find love when I’m not looking. Some might have nefarious intentions but people are simply following a set of normative guidelines put in place by those before them.

Good intentions or not, both the aforementioned question and statement bother me more than trying to figure out why Meghan Trainor is a thing. I’m on the train writing this post on the Medium app and literally had to take a moment to calm myself down. Like…she really irks me, that Trainor. Imagine how I feel when someone says one of those epic party fouls to me.

I get it, though! People might think them asking is some form of validation to the person in question. “You’re so amazing! How could someone NOT want to be with you?” No, ma’am! No, sir! If you’re asking a person why they’re single, know that it’s not flattering. But if you insist, here are the top 3 reasons why I’m single.

  • No One Can Treat Me Better Than I Can

True story? I love myself. I love myself a lot. Why? Because I’m incredible. I am sen-fucking-sational. I know and understand this fact very well. All of my ex-boyfriends have not. We are all worthy of genuine kindness, respect and love. That’s what I strive to give myself every single day so if you can’t treat me the way I treat myself…GTFO. If you think that I’m asking for too much or that I think too highly of myself…GTFO. You clearly don’t love yourself enough.

  • A Relationship Is Not Essential for Survival

Hi! How are you? Hopefully very well. Let me introduce myself. My name is I’m A Complete Person All On My Own. I’m not stuck in bed with sadness every morning because some dude isn’t there next to me hogging the blankets. I wasn’t sent to this planet to “find the one” under the assumption that this would then “complete” me. You know what completes me? Music. Literature. Conversations with people I care about. Mean Girls. Decent guacamole. Could any of those experiences be enhanced if done with a romantic partner? Sure, but my good friend Cher literally says it best:

  • I Fucking Choose to be Single

Trying to date sucks. Bad dates suck even more. Bad boyfriends? I’m sure you can finish my train of thought on this one. I’m also at this oddly glorious place in my life where I’m not concerned with dating. I have a Tinder account but I view it the same way I view Instagram: I don’t need it but it’s fun to check out from time to time. The rest of my day is spent living up to my own potential and greatness. I’m learning about myself. I’m trying to sharpen my skills in the workplace. I’m using my talents so they don’t go to waste. So sorry, Cupid, but this homo is busy getting his life! I don’t need to be in a relationship to make my life have meaning. I can do that for myself. That’s why I fucking choose to be single.

Clarification time! I’ve been in serious relationships and, yes, I’ve even been engaged so don’t read this post thinking I’m anti-relationship. I am, however, anti-society telling me that being in a relationship is more important or desirable than taking care of myself.

I call bullshit. So, if you’re so inclined to ask me the next time you see my why I’m single, just know that it’s because I’m too preoccupied being a boss and designing my future.

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