Gossip Girl returned to television this week after rumors burst onto the internet during its hiatus that Season 6 would be its final season…and shortened at that. With Monday’s “Con-Heir” episode putting Serena in control of Gossip Girl, I’m starting to think maybe it is time to take off those fur lined coats and Manolo’s and call it a night.
But until the forever anonymous Gossip Girl regains full control of her site, I’d like to see one of these three obscure characters take over instead and then get caught Scooby-Doo style.
1. HAZEL WILLIAMS
She started out as one of Blair’s minions and then totally fizzled off the show. What better way to bring her back than to have her get the ultimate revenge on her favorite frenemies? What would she say upon getting busted?
Hazel’s “I’ve Been Foiled” Scene: “You toss me out of the Upper East Side like those ridiculous Miu Miu glitter and suede peep-toe ankle boots? Well guess what? I like those ankle boots. I like them!” She would then be carried out of the room by bodies guards because this no doubt goes down at an event, wedding or funeral.
2. MAUREEN VAN DER BILT
Here’s the situation: home girl is a crazy whackadoo looney tune as is. She’s already wreaked havoc on her husband and his family so why not funnel her mental instability towards the up-and-coming society members she fears will completely take the spotlight away from her?
Maureen’s “I’ve Been Foiled” Scene: “I once convinced a man to almost drown himself just because I was bored with my husband’s ratings in the polls. This was nothing.” She is then hauled away in handcuffs because yet another main character has gotten into some type of near-death accident.
I don’t care what anyone says about Jenny Humphrey but she was attractive, depressing and a constant source of drama. I actually don’t even want her to be Gossip Girl in any capacity. I just want her to know who the person behind it is. And I want that person to be from Bushwick East Williamsburg.
Jenny’s “I’ve Been Foiled” Scene: “Brooklyyyyyn.” She would then probably push a vase off a nearby table on her way out and that, ladies and gentlemen, would be the last we’d ever hear of Lil’ J.
Tweet me (@thatfashiondude) who you think should become Gossip Girl because I’m sure most of you agree with me that it’s not suitable for Serena!